Apr 242012
 

I found these here. I think you will enjoy them, even if you’ve never gone diving.

How To Fail Your Open Water Test

  1. Tell your Instructor you will race him to the surface.
  2. Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
  3. Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
  4. Your Instructor asks “You don’t want to do the buddy breathing because you have what?”
  5. You ask your Instructor which fin goes on which foot.
  6. You ask your Instructor if that was his mask under your tank.
  7. You tell your Instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 3000 pounds of air in it.
  8. When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

You Need Buoyancy Control When

  1. You rely on the silt trail you always stir up to find the shot line at the end of the dive.
  2. You insist that you never wear fins because it makes it more difficult to walk on the bottom.
  3. The only place you can hover is at the surface.
  4. On ascents, your entire body clears the surface of the water.
  5. You use 1000 psi for breathing and 2000 psi for your BC.
  6. You are certain you went for one dive, but your computer has logged three.
  7. You think being neutral in the water means that you don’t fight with your buddy.

Your Dive Buddy Hates You If

  1. He gives you the “wait here” sign and you are still on the boat.
  2. He “forgets” to close your dry suit zipper.
  3. When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate “I’ll get you some” and swims off.
  4. When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you his snorkel.
  5. You give him the “OK” signal and he gives you the finger.
  6. He spits in your mask for you, but you haven’t taken it off yet.
  7. He shows up with a set of tables based on his own algorithm “that’s WAY better”.
  8. He loudly proclaims that safety stops are for “wussies”.

 

 Posted by at 4:20 pm
Mar 172012
 

I came across this great collection of quotes that seemed to be very topical as we sprint into the Nominating Conventions for the political parties in Utah. Enjoy the humor and I’ll start the list with a quote my Democrat friend Steve shared on Facebook yesterday.

0. Decisions are made by those who show up. — Unknown

1. In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress. — John Adams

2. If you don’t read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed. — Mark Twain

3. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But then I repeat myself. — Mark Twain

4. I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle. — Winston Churchill

5. A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. — George Bernard Shaw

6. A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. — G. Gordon Liddy

7. Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. — James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

8. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. — Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at  Georgetown University

9. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. — P.J. O’Rourke, Civil Libertarian

10. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. — Frederic Bastiat, French economist (1801-1850)

11. Government’s view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. — Ronald Reagan (1986)

12. I don’t make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. — Will Rogers

13. If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it’s free! — P.J. O’Rourke

14. In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. — Voltaire (1764)

15. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn’t mean politics won’t take an interest in you! — Pericles (430 B..C.)

16. No man’s life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.. — Mark Twain (1866)

17. Talk is cheap…except when Congress does it. — Anonymous

18. The government is like a baby’s alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. — Ronald Reagan

19. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. — Winston Churchill

20. The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. — Mark Twain

21. The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. — Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

22. There is no distinctly Native American criminal class…save Congress. — Mark Twain

23. What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. — Edward Langley, Artist (1928-1995)

24. A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have. — Thomas Jefferson

25. We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. — Aesop

 Posted by at 9:51 am
Mar 152012
 

Shortly after we moved into this neighborhood I called the GOP offices looking to see where we should go for our Neighborhood Caucus. They told us we didn’t have a host yet so I volunteered to have it at my house. We had about a dozen people show up. This was our meeting tonight for the same area. What great growth! I was amazed by the quality of the people who showed up and the deep knowledge of what is going on with our government. I was honored to be elected as state delegate and precinct chair to represent this awesome group of citizens. I’ll do my best to be worthy of your trust.

On a related note, someone left behind a black notebook. If you are missing, or know someone else who is missing their black notebook I have it. Give me a ring so you can come by and pick it up.

 Posted by at 11:07 pm
Feb 222012
 

Some of us are talking about a weekender to Moab the week after Easter. We might want to add this to our list of things to do….

 Posted by at 10:08 am