The Delete Key provides a keyboard based, fully manual method for the removal of information. Furthermore, use of the Delete Key in conjunction with the small amount of brain matter you have left may induce a tingling sensation of pleasure.
Failure to use the Delete Key may result in aggravation, humiliation, and knee-jerk reactionism. This manual will help you locate and implement a full Delete Key pressing method to ensure your peace of mind remains unaltered.
LOCATING THE DELETE KEY
- Lift your hands off the key board.
- Scan the keys for a key labeled “Delete”
- Make note of this location as it will come in handy later.
USING THE DELETE KEY
- Locate something on your computer you wish to delete. Files, text, e-mail messages, and vital operating system components are all “delete-enabled” items.
- Select the item using your mouse or other selection device.
- Lift you hands off the keyboard and using one of you fingers, depress the key labeled Delete.
- The offending material has now been removed from your sight.
Some systems may require confirmation of your Delete-based system. If this is the case, make sure to agree to the deletion. Otherwise you may become reburdened with the offensive or unwanted material.
WHAT SHOULD I DELETE
Anything that might bring you unhappiness. In this semi-lucid hyper-cyber-superhighway world, you need the unending power of a Delete key. Not only is is easy to implement, it offers tremendous Return On Investment (ROI). Consider this scenario:
Helga Gumpwetter has three text files. In the first file are instructions for making a nuclear bomb. The other two contain funny jokes about pumpkins. Because Helga deleted the nuclear bomb message and read the pumpkin jokes, she lacked the ability to nuke her ex-boyfriend, thus saving all of King County Washington. Talk about some serious ROI!