Apr 242012

I found these here. I think you will enjoy them, even if you’ve never gone diving.

How To Fail Your Open Water Test

  1. Tell your Instructor you will race him to the surface.
  2. Lie face down and motionless while holding your breath.
  3. Spit in your wetsuit and pee in your mask.
  4. Your Instructor asks “You don’t want to do the buddy breathing because you have what?”
  5. You ask your Instructor which fin goes on which foot.
  6. You ask your Instructor if that was his mask under your tank.
  7. You tell your Instructor there is no way you can lift a cylinder with 3000 pounds of air in it.
  8. When asked for your dive plan, you hand over a bundle of travel brochures.

You Need Buoyancy Control When

  1. You rely on the silt trail you always stir up to find the shot line at the end of the dive.
  2. You insist that you never wear fins because it makes it more difficult to walk on the bottom.
  3. The only place you can hover is at the surface.
  4. On ascents, your entire body clears the surface of the water.
  5. You use 1000 psi for breathing and 2000 psi for your BC.
  6. You are certain you went for one dive, but your computer has logged three.
  7. You think being neutral in the water means that you don’t fight with your buddy.

Your Dive Buddy Hates You If

  1. He gives you the “wait here” sign and you are still on the boat.
  2. He “forgets” to close your dry suit zipper.
  3. When you indicate you are low on air, he writes on his slate “I’ll get you some” and swims off.
  4. When you give him the out of air signal, he passes you his snorkel.
  5. You give him the “OK” signal and he gives you the finger.
  6. He spits in your mask for you, but you haven’t taken it off yet.
  7. He shows up with a set of tables based on his own algorithm “that’s WAY better”.
  8. He loudly proclaims that safety stops are for “wussies”.


 Posted by at 4:20 pm