From: Bill Stebbins <bs16@xxx>
Subject: Changes to the Rules of Golf
The R&A (formerly known as the Royal and Ancient Golf Club), the ruling body for the game of golf, along with the United States Golf Association has amended principal regulations from the Rules of Golf, the bible of the game. Apparently, the rule changes were influenced by the AARP.
A ball sliced or hooked into the rough by a golfer past the age of 65 shall be lifted and placed onto the fairway at a point equal to the distance it carried or rolled into the rough with no penalty. Seniors should not be penalized for tall grass which groundskeepers failed to mow.
Rule 2.d.6 (b)
A ball hit by a golfer past the age of 65 that hits a tree shall be deemed not to have hit the tree. This is simply bad luck and luck has no place in a scientific game. The senior player must estimate the distance the ball would have traveled if it had not hit the tree and play the ball from there.
Rule 3.b.3 (g)
There shall be no such thing as a lost ball for senior players; the missing ball is on or near the course and will eventually be found and pocketed by someone else, making it a stolen ball. The senior player is not to compound the felony by charging himself or herself with a penalty.
Rule 4.c.7 (h)
If a senior player’s putt passes over a hole without dropping, it is deemed to have dropped. The Rules of Golf supersede the law of gravity.
Seniors’ putts that stop close enough to the cup that they could be blown in, may be blown in. This does not apply to balls more than three inches from the hole. No one wants to make a travesty of the game.
Rule 6.a.9 (k)
There is no penalty for seniors for so-called ‘out of bounds.’ If penny-pinching golf course owners bought sufficient land, this would not occur. The senior golfer deserves an apology, not a penalty.
Rule 7.g.15 (z)
There is no penalty for a senior who hits a ball into a water hazard, as golf balls should float. Senior golfers should not be penalized for manufacturing defects.
Advertisements claim that golf scores can be improved by buying new golf equipment. Since this is financially impractical for many senior golfers, one half stroke per hole may be subtracted for using old equipment.
Editor’s note: While the above is fiction, there really were changes made to the 267 year-old rules of golf in 2011. I leave it to the reader’s level of curiosity to delve further into this… or not. October, 2011.