Aug 192011

I saw a reference to this whilst browsing UteFans this morning. I’m not 100% certain, but I hope it is meant to be funny. It was so well done that I almost think he might have been serious, but that’s a bit of a stretch. Anyways, I have to admit it was very well done and full of some great lines. Here are my favorites:

You’ll likely fly into Salt Lake City, but if I were you I would stay in Provo where there is far less gangs and violence, and where there are some great places to eat and shop.

Less gangs and violence. Ya, ’cause SLC is just downright dangerous.

There’s a Comfort Inn on University Pkwy in Orem that I would recommend. Pool, exercise room, nice lobby. It’s a bit pricey, but it comes with a pretty good continental breakfast (with waffle iron). So, for me and my family (8), it makes more economic sense to pay a few more dollars at the hotel and get a free breakfast rather than skimp on the hotel and end up dropping a 20 spot for my family’s breakfast.

He doesn’t come out and say it, but my guess is the family of 8 are all in the same room. He does however, come and and say he is feeding his family of 8 breakfast for $20. That’s pretty impressive. Based on my math that’s $2.86 per person if we assume child 6 is still a baby. That’s an egg muffin plus tax at McDonald’s. Livin’ large in Provo.

Just an FYI, Orem and Provo have the 2 biggest malls in the entire county.

Yeah — that’s something to brag about. Even better, it is so untrue as to be laughable. I found a couple of organizations that actually track that stuff and neither mall even makes the top 100. Awesome funny.

There are 2 Cosco’s in the valley (Orem and American Fork). You are supposed to be a member to shop there, but if you wait for a big crowd and just walk through briskly, they usually don’t stop you. I enjoy window shopping there, and on Saturdays there are food samples galore. I’ve been known to walk out the doors having spent $0 yet absolutely stuffed and content. Thay also have massage chairs on demonstration in the furniture aisle, which makes for a very nice, relaxing 30-minute power nap.

I don’t think I even need to comment. Wow.

Orem has a Super Target.

I like Target, but this level of excitement over the location in Orem leaves me to think that the author has never left the happy confines of Utah valley, otherwise he would know that there are almost 1400 target stores in the US. Yeah, we’re cool because we have a “Super Target!”

Best value in town – hands down – is “Chuck-A-Rama”. This is the nicer, classier brother of Golden Corral. I would especially recommend this if you’re coming a few days early, as Thursday is “seafood night”. Think…All-you-can-eat fried shrimp, fries, tuna patties, seafood salad, etc. and like 100 soda-pop options to pick from. Not to mention the ice cream dessert-bar. They charge your kid according to age, and we’ve never been ID’d.

I added the italics because that is far and away the best part. The only thing better would be if he had told us the number of years he subtracts from each kid so we can know what the safe limits are. Of course if he is consistent he’ll have to tell the cashier that the baby is -1 year old, right?

There’s a furniture store called RC WIlley that often provides FREE hot dogs and drinks on Saturdays. Soda is usually a bit flat, but the dogs are as good as any place, and again – FREE!

Priceless. Of course for some of us, priceless and free have the same meaning.

Trafalga also recently added an AMAZING fun center in Lehi. Lazer tag, carny rides, bumper boats, slick track – you name it. And they’ve gone to great lengths to give it a “Disneyland ambiance” by adding things like the Statue of Liberty and Mt. Rushmore. Five GIANT stars.

Having never left Utah Valley he only knows Disneyland from what he’s seen on TV so it does seem pretty similar.

There’s awesome tailgating all around LES. Mostly potluck, so plan to bring a jello or casserol to share, and plan to mooch off others also.

There is no alcohol or caffeine allowed anywhere on campus…don’t even try to smuggle it in. This isn’t the University of Utah!!

Those two lines so go together. I do have to agree though, I’ve never seen a casserole in the U tailgating lots and you can actually buy a Coke in the stadium!

There are many more gems in the post, make sure to click through to the original. I’m am standing in awe at the many subtle levels of genius in his post. I think he got the level of sarcasm so close to the edge of real that many readers will think it was really real. I don’t think he posted anything offensive to BYU fans, but instead was able to poke fun at the stereotypes and come up with hilarity.

On the other hand, he may have meant every word making it even more funny. Either way, enjoy!

 Posted by at 11:11 am