- Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
- Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
- If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
- If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
- When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
- It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…
- You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
You’ve experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!
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