Sep 082011
 

I suspect Phil Glowatz is the original author. Super awesome. Enjoy. President Obama is scheduled to give a jobs speech Thursday night, and it’s bound to contain lots of euphemisms, because that’s his style. As a public service, we offer a translation of these euphemisms:

  1. “Targeted measures” = Increased spending that would result from a second stimulus program. Reason for euphemism: Obama can’t use the word “stimulus” anymore since the first one worked like gangbusters and has ushered in a new era of good feeling.
  2. “New sources of revenue” = Higher taxes. Reason for euphemism: Obama can’t say “higher taxes” because, well, most people hate that crap.
  3. “Millionaires and billionaires should pay their fair share” = Reason for euphemism: In Obama-ese, higher taxes for “millionaires” actually means everyone who earns over $200,000. That’s inflation for you!
  4. “Investments” = More government spending. Reason for euphemism: Obama can’t say “more government spending” because there are only 137 people outside of Washington, DC who want to hear that.
  5. “Revenue enhancement” = Higher taxes. Reason for euphemism: See #2.
  6. “Shared sacrifices” = Higher taxes. Reason for euphemism: See #2 and #5.
  7. “A balanced approach” = Increased spending coupled with higher taxes. Reason for euphemism: Actually, this is known as a hybrid euphemism, carefully constructed to conceal two things people don’t want to hear.

And, in case Obama addresses any issues not related to the economy, here are some more helpful translations:

  • “Kinetic military action” = War.
  • “Overseas contingency operations” = War.
  • “Man-caused disasters” = Acts of terrorism.

 

 Posted by at 11:48 am