Aug 142013
 

Utah State

Team Result Thoughts
@ Utah Loss I’m a Ute fan. I can’t pick a “toss up” game for the other team and I see this game as a toss up. This will be a very close exciting game but I think the experienced coaches on the Utah sidelines will make the difference against the rookie Aggie coaches. I’m worried about the young defensive backfield and we’ve never done well against Quarterbacks as mobile as Chuckie but Utah wins in OT.
@ Air Force Win Utah State knows the ‘Bone, the Falcon passing defense might just be atrocious this year which means its go time for Chuckie.
Weber State Win
@ USC Loss I think the Aggies will make more of a showing than most would think. If the game were in Logan I’d pick the upset win but even as bad as the Trojan’s are this year its still the Coliseum.  USC by a field goal.
@ San Jose State Win San Jose has been good in years past, but those years are past now.
BYU Win BYU will be coming off of a closer than expected win against Middle Tennessee State. I expect some letdown as they ride north to Logan. BYU has struggled against mobile QG’s and Keeton is very mobile; I think he runs wild against the BYU defense. I expect this to be a fun game with lots and lots of scoring and two very tired defenses.
Boise State Loss Again closer than expected but still a loss. Taking the Broncos away from Smurf Turf takes away some of the camouflage advantage but doesn’t change the fact that they are an elite program.  If Gary Anderson were still around I’d feel much better about picking an Aggie upset.
@ New Mexico Win  New Mexico will once again be one of the worst teams in DI football.
Hawaii Win  Coach Chow won’t enjoy this year any more than he did last.
UNLV Win By now the Aggies are starting to feel invincible!
Colorado State Win Win Streak hits 4 in a row.
Wyoming Win Utah State closes out the on a 5 game win streak to finish 9-3. A bowl game win means a very respectable 9-4.

BYU

Team Result Thoughts
@ Virginia Win Virginia doesn’t look to be very good this year, but they went 4-8 last year that won’t be a surprise.
Texas Loss Texas has speed to burn and BYU has historically struggled against speedy teams. I don’t expect this to be a boat race but I think BYU lets the Longhorns find the end zone too many times in the second half to win the game.
Utah Loss This is another close game but I think Utah coaches make more progress with their team than BYU coaches with theirs. I have the two teams equal to start the season but the faster progression on the hill earns the Utes a win.
Middle Tennessee Win Middle Tennessee is better than you think. They beat two bowl teams last year in Georgia Tech and Western Kentucky but stayed home for bowl season. That experience should make them motivated to win every game, but I don’t think they can come into Provo and surprise the faithful Cougar fans. This will be an exciting, close game but BYU wins.
@ Utah State Loss Utah State fans will be rocking the stadium and kissing under the “A” and Chuckie Keeton will be scoring at will. Without Gary Anderson on the sidelines I expect the Aggie defense to slip compared to last year which should lead to lots of scoring for both teams.
Georgia Tech Win I’m tempted to call this one for G-Tech but I don’t see them traveling this far to a very hostile skittle stadium successfully. The Ramblin’ Wreck could surprise us all but I think they are looking at a 3rd mediocre year in a row, including a loss here.
Houston Win Houston has some very good players but I don’t think they match up well with BYU, especially in Provo.
Boise State Loss A BYU win here shocks the world. Boise State isn’t as good as they have been and they are away from the camouflage creating smurf turf but they are still the big dog in the Mountain West. I expect the stands to empty long before the 4th quarter arrives.
@ Wisconsin Loss I think Gary Anderson is one of the brightest stars in the College Football coaching universe. I also expect him to use his new team’s strength, size, skill and power to revenge last year’s Utah State loss to BYU. The Cougars won’t get blown out but they also won’t win.
Idaho State Win This may be the only “bye” game on the schedule, a far cry from the last few years powder puff slates.
@ Notre Dame Loss Notre Dame could be better this year than they were last year.
Nevada Win Nevada is going to miss Chris Ault even more that USU misses Gary Anderson. Its always nice to end the season with a win, especially when that win gets you to 6-6 and a chance to go bowling. A .500 record isn’t something Cougar fans are going to like, but i suspect many would rather see this years slate of home games and losses rather than the parade of powder puff programs in previous campaigns.

Utah

Team Result Thoughts
Utah State Win This is one of the first games of the year for college football. What a great place to be on a Thursday night, but only if Utah can contain Chuckie long enough to send the Aggies home with a loss.
Weber State Win The first and only “bye” game for Utah this year.
Oregon State Win This is where I lead with my heart. I really should pick the Beavers to win, but I think Utah’s offensive and defensive lines progress faster than expected allowing the skill players to shine. I see a come-from-behind thriller ending with a Utah win.
@ BYU Win Utah has shown in the last few years that they are able to beat BYU home or away. A final win before the 2-year hiatus has Brocno Mendenhall reminding Cougar fans that football comes 5th.
UCLA Loss I just can’t summon enough optimism to pick the upset here. UCLA is much better than OSU. I don’t know that Kyle Whittingham inspired “want to” will be enough to overcome the difference.
Stanford Loss The good news is those who go to the game will be watching a contender for the Mythical National Championship. The bad news is that it’ll be Stanford.
Arizona Win Arizona is a year or two away from being really good. So is Utah, but the game happens to be at Rice Stadium so I’ll go with the home field advantage.
@ USC Win I expect USC to be in the middle of a second train wreck year in a row. Lane Kiffin starts to wonder if he can go back to his Tennessee job…
Arizona State Win Arizona State is also a year away from being really good, but once again the game is at Utah. Its not much, but it’ll do.
@ Oregon Loss One year Utah football will march into Autzen Stadium and return with a win. It just won’t be this year.
@ Washington State Win Mike Leach might be the one that finally returns winning football to Spokane. On the other maybe his success at Texas Tech was a fluke. Either way, in a game between to mediocre teams I always pick the team in red.
Colorado Win It will be nice when order has returned to the universe and Utah finishes the season with BYU, but in the mean time a win here gets Utah to an improbable 9-3 and a chance to chase a double digit win season with a bowl game victory. It won’t be as sweet at 13-0 but it would give us a sense the program is headed in the proper direction.

 Posted by at 3:24 pm
Apr 172013
 
  • Follow your dream! Unless it’s the one where you’re at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
  • Always take time to stop and smell the roses and sooner or later, you’ll inhale a bee.
  • Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone.
  • If you don’t like my driving, don’t call anyone. Just take another road. That’s why the highway department made so many of them.
  • If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning.
  • When I’m feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor’s dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
  • It’s always darkest before the dawn. So if you’re going to steal the neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it. Continue reading »
 Posted by at 11:43 am
Apr 102013
 

You can retire to Phoenix, Arizona where…

  • You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.
  • You’ve experienced condensation on your hiney from the hot water in the toilet bowl.
    You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.
    You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.
    You know that “dry heat” is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.
    The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!

– OR -
Continue reading »

 Posted by at 10:12 am
Mar 262013
 

INTRODUCTION

The Delete Key provides a keyboard based, fully manual method for the removal of information. Furthermore, use of the Delete Key in conjunction with the small amount of brain matter you have left may induce a tingling sensation of pleasure.
Continue reading »

 Posted by at 10:40 am
Feb 192013
 
  1. How do you decide who to marry?
    • You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. — Alan, age 10
    • No person really decides before they grow up who they’re going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you’re stuck with. — Kristen, age 10 Continue reading »
 Posted by at 11:35 am
Feb 182013
 

So before I tell you how good these two books are please let me warn you: There will eventually be three of them. The first book, “The Name of the Wind” was published in 2007. The second, “A Wise Man’s fear” in 2011. Unless the publisher decides to release the third one early we are looking at a two year wait for the conclusion. The book is written and done, according the the author so I “can’t not know” why they must make us wait. Maybe they’re just mean.

Having said that, go get the books and start reading. It will do my mean little heart good to know that someone else is waiting with me. That, and the books are really good. You now have my opinion and advice. Feel free to ignore the rest of this.

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 10:20 pm
Jan 242013
 

Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and frequently humorous. You’ve seen many of these in the past, but its fun to see them all together.

  • Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
  • The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
  • Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
  • If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
  • We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
  • War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
  • Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit.. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
  • To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
  • I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
  • In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify:” I put “DOCTOR.”
  • Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
  • You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
  • I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure…
  • To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
  • Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
  • You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
 Posted by at 1:03 pm
Jan 132013
 

This is an oldie but a goodie. Enjoy!

DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes finger-prints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say “DANG!”

Continue reading »

 Posted by at 10:12 am
Jan 082013
 

Note: I don’t know who the original author is, but I’m guessing its a she and she’s over 50. :)

A WOMAN’S RANDOM THOUGHTS

  • Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
  • Women over 50 don’t have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
  • My mind not only wanders, it sometime leaves completely.
  • The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don’t know what you’re doing, someone else does.
  • The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
  • Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.
  • Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
  • I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and set my pantyhose on fire.
  • Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
  • They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn’t all that communicative. I did hear from it the other day after I said, “Body, how’d you like to go to the six o’clock class in vigorous toning?” Clear as a bell my body said “Listen witch … do it and die.”
  • The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing (and then they marry him).
  • I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea of a perfect day.
  • I know what Victoria’s Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
 Posted by at 11:56 am
Dec 172012
 
  • Last month I found out how a clarinet works by taking it apart. I both found out and got in trouble.
  • My very best liked piece of music is the Bronze Lullaby.
  • Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed.
  • It is easy to teach anyone to play the maracas. Just grip the neck and shake him in rhythm.
  • The most dangerous part about playing cymbals is near the nose.
  • The flute is a skinny-high shape-sounded instrument.
  • Anyone who can read all the instrument notes at the same time gets to be the conductor.
  • A harp is a nude piano.
  • For some reason, they always put a treble clef in front of every line of flute music. You just watch.
  • A bassoon looks like nothing I have ever heard.
  • When electric currents go through them, guitars start making sounds. So would anybody.
  • I can’t reach the brakes on this piano!
  • While trombones have tubes, trumpets prefer to wear valves.
  • You should always say “celli” when you mean there are two or more cellos.
  • Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling him.
  • Refrain means don’t do it. A refrain in music is the part you better not try to sing.
  • A trumpet is an instrument when it is not an elephant sound.
 Posted by at 11:46 am